Chapter 1
James had never had a job before, at most not a "real job". He had worked for cash at Frank's Auto Wreckers, he had been a telemarketer. That was without an interview, that was without HR, that was manual labour, that was mind numbing, that was minimum wage!
Now James had completed his Bachelor of Computer Science and had authored a handful of "apps".
James had "failed fast", just as the all of the lean startup blogs had suggested. Surely now plan B, the short term, easy way out is guaranteed to work. Now James planned to get his first corporate job and make as much money as in the the stories that had heard; not as much as he hoped his now failed business to bring in but still a long enough runway for his dreams to take off. Now he could finally move out of his parents house. He closed his eyes and imagined his own place, full of visiting friends and more importantly, sexy girls!
Chapter 2
Martina's Outlook Reminder told her that it was time to interview Potential Resource PR81F. She stood up, adjusted her tightly fitting dress which showed the tops of and in-between her breasts enough to seriously distract a young man but not enough for her female superiors to notice. She proceeded to the lobby where PR81F was waiting, her dress clinging tightly to her figure, voyeuristicaly accentuating her fantasy-shaped, wholesome buttocks, leaving nothing to the imagination. She was dressed like a pinup. Martina's manager looked up from her desk and saw nothing.
"James?" She asked as she walked half-briskly into the reception area.
"Yes! Hi." PR81F jumped to its feet.
"This way." She instructed.
Martina led him to the lift and pressed the "up" arrow. The lift arrived after a pause and they promptly stepped in. She pressed number six. An awkward silence had most likely become apparent to PR81F. She asked the first question: "Did you find our office alright?"
PR81F's eyes looked up, it was probably recalling a visual memory. This was the first indicator of PR81F being "a visual person". It started to utter "Ah... I ran for the train". Martina could not think of an acceptable reason for PR81F to run for the train. Subjects should plan their trip to the interview.
She led him to the first empty meeting room on level six. "We'll go in here" she stated coldly while opening the door.
"Yes! Hi." PR81F jumped to its feet.
"This way." She instructed.
Martina led him to the lift and pressed the "up" arrow. The lift arrived after a pause and they promptly stepped in. She pressed number six. An awkward silence had most likely become apparent to PR81F. She asked the first question: "Did you find our office alright?"
PR81F's eyes looked up, it was probably recalling a visual memory. This was the first indicator of PR81F being "a visual person". It started to utter "Ah... I ran for the train". Martina could not think of an acceptable reason for PR81F to run for the train. Subjects should plan their trip to the interview.
She led him to the first empty meeting room on level six. "We'll go in here" she stated coldly while opening the door.
Martina had memorised the behavioral interview questions two through to ten. The questions were behavioral because behavioral interviews are 80% predictive of future resource performance. She began with "can you remember a time when you took initiative?" PR81F's eyes looked up again. "Yes, I have spent many months of my own time developing apps and publishing them in the Google Play Store and the Apple App Store." Martina let the awkward silence come back. Both to disorient PR81F and to think about how statisfied she was with this answer. A model answer would have been a recollection of a past workplace - this was initiative taken in the subject's own time. She was not sure how she felt about this.
Question three: "Can you recall a time when you did not see eye-to-eye with a coworker?" This question was especially worded to build rapport with "a visual person". PR81F's eyes looked up again. "Yes, Tom at Frank's Auto Wrecker! I was young and quick at disassembling those cars, Tom was old and had been working there for many long years. So naturally, I was working more efficiently than Tom for the same money. With time, I even came up with procedures for removing each part in the fastest way possible. Hoping for a raise, I wrote up Standard Operating Procedures for removing each part from the most common models of automobile and showed them to Frank. Tom did everything he could to discredit me, of course he was scared for his job."
PR81F seemed quite "pleased" to know the answer on to this point of interrogation. Martina followed up with "And how did you resolve this issue?" "Well, I am interviewing for Vimawksoft now!" The subject's mouth turned up to form what appeared to be a "smile". Martina concluded that PR81F was confrontational.
"Are you proud of this?" She asked. "Yes, of course. I optimised a process" it replied.
Martina went through the motions of the other questions. Now her objective was to let PR81F think that it was doing well in this interview.
Chapter 3
"Did you read Uncle Matt's interview prep book?" asked James' mum as she put the finisheing touches on the evening's Greek salad to go with the roast which had already been placed on the dinner table.
"I did", replied James, "but the questions were different."
He had just received the email of rejection after his interview with Martina.
"I did", replied James, "but the questions were different."
He had just received the email of rejection after his interview with Martina.
Uncle's Matt interview book was 10 years old and the standard interview questions had changed. However, it was enough of a clue; James would solve the interview puzzle in the same way that he learnt most of his IT skills.
After dinner, James searched for "behavioural interview questions", a phrase that several recruiters had mentioned and that was not mentioned anywhere in Uncle Matt's book. The phrase "behavioural" made him cringe inside, something horrible had been unleashed onto his generation. James imagined himself in a mental hospital where a malicious HR worker in a white lab coat was inserting ghastly probes into his brain, while his hands and feet were tied and any screams would instantly disqualify him from the job of Graduate Software Developer.
Amongst the top search results was result with the phrase "behavioral interviews are 80% predictive of future resource performance". James opened that one. The page seemed to provide a justification for inserting probes into his head - they had to make sure that they hired the right person, someone who wasn't lying about working well with others. He browsed several other pages, including one that claimed that hard skills can be taught and that soft skills are the most important thing to look for in new employees.
James now knew what he had to do for his upcoming interview with Meowsedtech, create fake memories. Using his memory of the past interview with Martina as a guide, he sat on his bed and imagined situations, which when described as answers to Martina's questions would have been textbook perfect answers.
Chapter 4
"Let's go in here" instructed Dan as he led 546 into a small "meeting room". Dan noticed 546's expression change, perhaps it had understood that this was to be a professional interrogation room for the next hour?
"Let's go in here" instructed Dan as he led 546 into a small "meeting room". Dan noticed 546's expression change, perhaps it had understood that this was to be a professional interrogation room for the next hour?
Dan asked the standard questions and 546 answered well, it's eyes moving in all the right directions to indicate that it was recalling actual memories. The behavioural interview questions seemed to be doing their job, after all, behavioral interviews are 80% predictive of future resource performance. However Dan had one more trick up his sleeve.
"Well if you don't have any more questions for me then, that's it!" Announced Dan with a smile as he got up to shake 546's hand. Dan noticed the relaxation in 546's face. While opening the door of the room Dan asked "Oh by the way, has anyone ever pissed you off in your previous job?"
A now relaxed 546 vented "Yeah! That Tom guy at Frank's, he told everyone that I am incompetent and too hasty."
Gotcha! Thought Dan as he led 546 out of the office, shook its hand and sent wished it a "great day".
546 clearly lacked soft skills. Another candidate, 539, had spent two years on the Government Graduate Program and had enough soft skills. It could obviously be taught "computer programming in JavaScript and Python" on the job. In fact, 539's lack of hard skills could be used to justify a lower a starting salary. Dan felt like he had really earned his beer today.
Chapter 5
James was not surprised to see the rejection email from Meowsedtech. He had cracked at the last moment of the carefully crafted interrogation. However, he had not lost the lesson that he would take with him to the next interview: it's not over until you leave the building.
James was not surprised to see the rejection email from Meowsedtech. He had cracked at the last moment of the carefully crafted interrogation. However, he had not lost the lesson that he would take with him to the next interview: it's not over until you leave the building.
Chapter 6
The interview was flowing smoothly, C341 had correctly answered every question that Mary-Anne had probed it with so far. "Now do you have any questions for me?" she probed. This was the time where she had to confirm that the candidate had prepared questions.
The interview was flowing smoothly, C341 had correctly answered every question that Mary-Anne had probed it with so far. "Now do you have any questions for me?" she probed. This was the time where she had to confirm that the candidate had prepared questions.
"What will a typical day in this role look like?" it asked. Of course Mary-Anne had no idea. She worked in HR and C341 was applying for a technical role. "Well you would see your line manager and I imagine that you would do some programming." she grasped at straws.
"What is the team structure like?" it asked. Mary-Anne knew this and launched into a long drawn-out explanation. She felt warm and useful as she explained. It was at this point that she decided that C341 had fulfilled the questions requirement.
"What is the team structure like?" it asked. Mary-Anne knew this and launched into a long drawn-out explanation. She felt warm and useful as she explained. It was at this point that she decided that C341 had fulfilled the questions requirement.
"Well if you don't have any more questions for me then, that's it!" Announced Mary-Anne with a smile as she got up to shake C341's hand. Mary-Anne search C341's face for a change in its expression; she found none.
Perhaps it is a "subtle person", she thought to herself. While opening the door of the room Mary-Anne asked "Oh by the way, has anyone ever frustrated you in your previous job?" "No, everyone was very nice", it replied shortly after looking towards the "visual memories" part of its brain.
Mary-Anne was certain that C341 was a good candidate resource because behavioral interviews are 80% predictive of future resource performance.
Chapter 7
It had been a week since his interview with Mary-Anne, when the email arrived, inviting him to the next interview.
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